What are boundaries?
Boundaries are limits people set in order to create a healthy sense of personal space.
To sum it up boundaries are a way to teach people how to treat you. It reminds not only us but other people as well what we are willing to put up with or accept. Boundaries can be physical or they can be emotional.
The truth is we need boundaries in ALL of our relationships.
Relationships can be difficult to navigate because we all have our own perception of the world and how we view things. The neat thing about boundaries is they allow us all to have our own space to create meaning how it matters to us
So boundaries are important because they help us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions while ensuring that we are not being taken advantage of or being treated unfairly.
So now the question is how do you set boundaries?
The first step in setting boundaries is to first identify which behavior is bothersome or causes stress and anxiety for you. The best way to do this is to take time to reflect on people, experiences or places that have made you uncomfortable. Once you identify this recognize that these are areas in which you’d like to set boundaries around.
The second step is to imagine in a perfect world what you would like that situation, person or place to look like. Now start to think about how you can take that and apply that to your current circumstance.
The third step is to understand the process. I want you to know that just because you set a boundary doesn’t mean that other people will respond appropriately. The best thing that you can do is to continue to reinforce your boundaries and be consistent as possible. In most cases, it’s very helpful to communicate when your boundary has been crossed and set the expectation for how you’d like to proceed. If a person is unwilling to follow your boundaries this is an opportunity to consider if this is a healthy relationship.
The fourth step is to be committed. You must not bend your boundaries to make others comfortable. So for example, if you say that you don’t want to date people who cheat on you don’t stay in a relationship with the cheater. Stick to what you say and set the boundaries so that you’re setting the expectation for how other people are allowed to treat you.
The reality is setting boundaries can be complex especially if you’ve never seen them set appropriately before. You may even deal with some guilt when you’re first setting boundaries. This is part of the process but it is important that you understand that even as overwhelming or difficult as it may feel boundaries truly benefit you. Boundaries are not selfish in fact they are an essential aspect to your overall well being.
The good news is that it’s not impossible it just takes a little dedication and work to get them in place. Once you have your boundaries in place you will be glad that you did!
Today I challenge you to take some time to reflect on the areas in your life where you need to begin to implement boundaries moving forward.
