Default Vs. Design
After my divorce, I was so broken and bitter. It was truly exhausting to live like this repeatedly. The problem was I did not believe that I could break free from the pain. My divorce happened to me and because that did not change I felt like I would be stuck feeling this way forever. I decided to hire a coach who shared with me that I could find happiness again. The problem was that she believed this I didn’t. Truthfully I was impatient so going through a healing process was not anything I was looking forward to. I wanted a magic pill to take the pain away and then I would believe things would get better. But we all know there is no quick route to anywhere with going.
So after a lot of push back and some resentment, I decided that I would put in the work to heal my hurt. Through these last few years, personal development has been my number one priority and focus. Through this experience of focusing on developing myself and strengthening my resolve, I learned that I had been living by default. I allowed what happened to me to be my excuse to stay stuck. I allowed being divorced to take over my life and ultimately control me. My coach was able to show me that living my default is an awful way to live and inspired me to begin living by design. Living by design is an intention way of living where instead of focusing on all of the things going wrong, you chose to put your focus into living a life based on your goals and desires.
- Create a plan- What is the thing that motivates you? What do you feel like you are on earth to do? Even if you do not know these answers you do know that you were not called to soak in bitterness, depression, and anger for the rest of your life. So seek to find these answers
- Foster this plan- You can’t a target that isn’t defined. In other words, to accomplish your goals, they need to be clearly defined. Once you know what you desire to accomplish and seek start creating a plan to make it happen. It is important to proactively plan. Proactive planning includes understanding what changes are necessary in order to reach your next level. Consider a coach to support you on the journey so that you will continue to push yourself and stay motivated.
- Take Care of Yourself- You can’t be valuable to the people that count on you without first taking care of yourself. Self-care is so important when going through a painful time. We have to make our emotional, mental, and physical health a priority if we are truly determined to get well. Find one activity that you can take part in that will help lift your spirits. It can be something major like taking trips or it can be something smaller, such a mediating daily. The goal is to take care of yourself before you lose yourself.
Are you living your life by design or by default?
Here are some characteristics of living by default:
- You have no meaningful dreams. You don’t know what you want to achieve in the short term or the long term. Or you may have goals and dreams that others have created for you or that you feel obligated to accomplish.
- You have no plan on how to reach your dreams. You may have a dream, but you don’t have a plan on how to make it a reality. Therefore, you’re making no progress other than simply dreaming.
- You don’t take action according to your plan. You may have a dream and a plan, but you don’t put your plan into action. Maybe it’s too much work, or you have convinced yourself that the dream is too BIG or you’re not good enough. As a result, nothing happens.
- You aren’t consistent in your effort. You may have a dream, a plan, and take some action towards it, but your effort isn’t consistent. You often grow impatient with the process and throw in the towel.
Take a moment to reflect on where you are. If you are comfortable playing victim to your situation it’s time to break free from that otherwise your divorce will rule and take over you life. You have a choice. You can decide to make changes. You can decide to live again. You can decide to find happiness. You just have to believe that not only with your mind but with your actions as well. Life is far too short and valuable to go through life waiting and wishing things were happening. Start taking action today.
