Oversharing and How To Stop It!
You know how it goes. You go to a party someone says hi to you and then you say, “So I will start with my earlier traumas and then my later traumas,” and before you know it, you’re accidentally sharing way too much. This could be an extreme example, but all in all you just can’t seem to stop sharing things that really should not be shared.
Oversharing is taking what should be private and sharing it with people who you are not typically close with.For the most part oversharing is not a conscious decision. Most times people don’t even realize they are doing it until they have gone too far. Oversharing is determined by what we consider healthy self-disclosure. This is likely in the eyes of the person who is on the receiving end of what’s being shared. Simply put you could tell three different people about your divorce, childhood, extreme trauma etc. and get three totally different responses.
Oversharing was something I became fascinated with because I was that girl. I would awkwardly share a little too much and be overthinking it for several years. I have since learned through my healing journey the importance of understanding the difference of when it’s time to share and when it’s not. So today I want to discuss why people overshare.Why do people overshare
False sense of intimacy - this is where you believe that you have a close relationship with another person so you feel as though you can trust them with what you need to share.
Sympathy - I see this a lot on social media. People feel the tug to share things looking to gain sympathy. If you share your mistakes to help support and encourage people that’s one thing. If you share your mistakes to gain sympathy that is when it becomes unhealthy and in turn it can be defined as oversharing.
Insecurity - This is when you overshare to compensate for feeling “less than”. We often worry about what thers think or look for ways to seem relatable or even perfect.
Your Story Owns You - When you’re still in the process of healing many times you pain feels so overwhelming and raw. This is how you know your experience is taking over.
Lacking Boundaries - many people overshare because they do not have healthy boundaries.
There is a ton of tips and advice in regards to oversharing. But all and all it seems to boil down to just one thing. Think, or more specifically, think ahead. Consider your intention behind sharing - When sharing ask yourself is it for attention or to help others? Consider how it relates to this person or audience specifically. Do they need this information and how can it help them? Consider what outcome you would like to have.
Finally, imagine meeting new people who possess the piece of information you are about to disclose. Would it feel good for a stranger to have that information and could they potentially use that against you? If all of that feels right then feel free to share, but do so sparingly knowing there will always be time to share more if that particular person or audience desires it. Overall time, consideration and reflection are the most important aspects to consider as it relates to oversharing, so consider and use all three.
