What is Grief?
When we think about grief, we usually imagine the death ofsomeone that we care about. However, grief can be caused by many other forms of loss. These losses include relationships, life circumstances, and evencherished ideas about the world. For example, grief can be caused by:
The death of someone you love
The death of a pet
A miscarriage
The loss of a romantic relationship
The loss of a friendship
Losing a job, or other circumstance that damages your financial security, such as a collapse in the value of retirement funds
A loss of health, whether in yourself or in a loved one
Failure to reach a long-term goal, or losing a cherished dream for the future
The end of significant era, such as graduating from school or changing careers
A traumatic event that shakes your sense of safety or security, such as being the victim of a crime, natural disaster, or political upheaval
While grief generally accompanies negative occurrences, itcan also occur alongside happy events. For example, moving out of a too-smallhouse into your dream home is a happy event, but you are still losing thefamiliar spaces and routines from the old home. You may also be losing goodneighbors and friends. These are valid reasons for grief, even during the happyoccasion of a move.
Often, when we assume that events like moving, starting anew job, or getting married should be entirely happy, we feel shame, guilt, or confusion if we feel some grief at what we are losing. It’s important torecognize that any change can have some elements of grief and loss, even if it’s a happy change.
Disenfranchised Grief
When we grieve, we need the support of those around us.Sometimes, however, we don’t get that support because people around us don’tthink our reason for grieving is valid. For example, the loss of a pet can take as long to heal from as the loss of friend, but this loss may be dismissed because it’s "just" a pet.
When the cause of our grief or the way that we grieve isn’trecognized as valid, it can be more difficult to move through the grievingprocess. This is known as "disenfranchised grief". People in the grips of disenfranchised grief suffer from both their loss and from the lack of social support.
It’s important to know that no matter what the origin ofyour grief is, your feelings are valid and you deserve support. If you don’thave friends or family that you feel comfortable discussing your grief with,it’s still important to talk with someone. Considering meeting with a therapistwho can offer support and guidance as you mourn, no matter what the cause ofyour emotions.
