Triggers Are Our Teachers
In high school I lost my best friend, Jessica, in a very traumatic way. I remember the day that I found out I was working at TJ Maxx n More. A mutual friend of ours called me and I stormed out of work. I was devastated. I felt like I couldn’t even see straight, or think straight and I was praying that it was just a bad dream. When I got in my car there was an Adina Howard song playing. I’m not sure if you know anything about Adina Howard but she doesn’t have sad or sappy songs - they are mostly sexual in nature.
But because of what was happening in the moment that song stuck with me for years to come. I couldn’t even listen to the beginning beat without breaking down. And for years I avoided listening to that song, or really anything that sounded like that because honestly it was too painful.
Well I later came to learn that the song was a trigger for me. That song triggered that exact moment and emotional state every time it played. Now there is nothing wrong with the song itself it was that I hadn’t healed the emotions from that day or from that loss.
I have since then tried to be more in tune with my emotional triggers. We all have them. The problem is most people run from them because addressing your triggers is extremely painful and overwhelming. But denying their existence or hiding from them is just delaying the inevitable. Your triggers will continue to control you until they are addressed.
I have friends and clients who avoid certain places, specific people and topics of conversation all because they haven’t handled or worked through their own triggers. And in the long run only hurts them because they’re missing out on a lot of different things. Triggers are not bad in fact triggers can be our greatest teachers if we allow them to be.
A trigger is an unhealed emotional wound. In reality is triggers happen to us all- but look different for each person and situation. It’s tempting to want to run and hide from our triggers because addressing them hurts and it’s hard work.
But if you avoid working through your triggers they will haunt you. It will impact you at work, at home and personally.
I am a firm believer that triggers serve as a teacher for the areas in our life that we need healing .Triggers are not bad, they actually give us an opportunity to observe and reflect which enables us to heal. I tell my clients often that there is so much wisdom in our wounds, but if we try to cover them up or hide them what are we truly learning?
Triggers can help you to learn about yourself, where you need healing and also assist you in building your resilience muscle. The problem is many people don’t know where to begin with healing those deep wounds and preventing triggers. That’s what I want to share. Now understand the process is not simple- if it were everyone would be using it, but it’s necessary for healing and for growth. Sometimes we have to become uncomfortable to truly free ourselves.
The first step is to identify your trigger and why it’s there. This is probably The most difficult step because it’s tempting to want to run when you begin to feel your trigger. But I challenge you to be still notice what emotions you’re feeling notice what things trigger those emotions and identify where you think those things are rooted.
The quicker you notice an emotion is triggered, the sooner you can discover if the threat is real or not. You also can create a plan moving forward.
The second step is to accept responsibility for your reactions. You have more power than you can ever imagine, but if you play victim you will remain a victim.
Take time to ask yourself what would your life look like if you were in control of your reactions?
The more you practice working through the difficult emotions the more you can begin to shift your beliefs about them and the impact they have in your life.
Also when you accept responsibility for your actions you can move to the second part of choosing how you want to feel and react moving forward. When you seek to shift your perspective and in turn emotions you gain emotional freedom which is priceless. It’s exhausting to lead a life led by emotions.
The third step is to determine what you think you need. This is important because I think that we run so far from our triggers and our problems that we’re not even in touch with what we need for true healing. We cover our pain with people, drugs, alcohol, and being busy etc.
So ask yourself do you need time, do you need love, do you need support, do you need to make sense of the situation, do you need to forgive yourself, do you need to be still? If you sit with yourself for long enough your body will not steer you wrong. Your body will let you know what you need but you have to be patient with the process. And please note that needs are NOT bad they are what will serve you through this process.
The fourth and final step is to get support. Many times there’s a lot of stigma about having to share your ““ problems or having to get support. But I’m here to share that getting support is a very thing that may change your life. Triggers often come from traumatic experiences which are difficult to not only discuss but overcome. You wouldn’t trust yourself to pull out your own tooth so don’t trust yourself to pull up those deep wounds alone. It’s also helpful when you start to dig up those deep wounds to have someone there to encourage support and motivate and hold you accountable on the journey.
Don’t allow Stigma to keep you stuck in shame. If you’re looking for support on the healing journey schedule a FREE call with me here: https://calendly.com/nicolyawilliams/15min
