Asking For Support

After going through a divorce it can be embarrassing let alone needing support and help. Therefore it is not always easy to ask for the help you need and desire. Here are ways that you can ask for help or support without sound desperate.

• Be honest with yourself- Sometimes we want support so that we can allow ourselves to stay in a victim mentality. If this is the case you have to be honest with yourself and note that this is not a good place to remain. Chose instead to get help so that you can work towards healing in a healthy way.
• Make your request specific- saying you need help can look different for each situation. Do you need someone to help babysit your children once per week, or check on you, or plan an outing? Identifying exactly what you need lets the other person know if they can support you with that need.
• Pay attention to your emotions. Many times you may feel like you want someone to check in on you and then before you know it you want to be alone. Or maybe you know there are certain times that you need more support than others. Communicate this.
• Know who you should ask. If you're looking for support from your divorce from your ex-mother in law, that is likely not the best person to ask. Consider talking and getting support from people who are least affected. Also, do not attempt to get support from a new relationship. It is unhealthy to bring forth your problems, hurts, and concerns when you're trying to begin something new. This can create a whole host of problems.
• Do not assume. While your best friend may want to help you she may not be emotionally available or she may not even understand how to support you. Before assuming who you're going to ask for support from make sure they are open and willing to be supportive to you. Do not take it personal if someone can't do it. This gives you a chance to get support from others who are more willing and emotionally able to give you the support you need.